Author: Chochmat Nashim

There is nothing new about people sharing vitriol on the internet. Inflammatory language and free-range bigotry seem to be the order of the day, especially when it comes to such charged topics as gender, religion, race or politics. We roll our eyes and click onward.

But what do we do when the person making a particularly nasty display of prejudice holds a position of authority that enables him to directly affect the course of real people’s lives? What happens when words on the screen manifest as policies in real life? And what does it mean for the communities that look to him for leadership?

Recently, Rabbi Steven Pruzansky published a blogpost that was as horrifying as it was logically baffling. In the piece, he argues that rape culture — the ways in which society blames victims of sexual assault and normalizes male sexual violence — does not exist. Instead, he explains, women are simply romantically frustrated liars who invent rape allegations because they’re out of touch with “traditional morality.”

If only women would wait until marriage, stay away from alcohol and just have some self-discipline, he claims, they’d stop getting raped so much. Although, he points out, they’re not actually being raped, as evidenced by the fact that women still attend college. If campus rape statistics were true, he reasons, “no intelligent woman would want to attend college.” This is akin to saying that there cannot be domestic abuse within marriage, because if there were, no woman would be willing to get married. Putting aside the glaring logical fallacy, it seems that in order for Rabbi Pruzansky to take women’s testimony seriously, they should stop surviving so much. He goes on to call rape “unrequited love” and then mocks those who ask for consent as “taking the romance out of romance.”

Going line by line to take apart the absurdity of his arguments, while tempting, has been done and is not the point.

What matters is Rabbi Pruzansky’s position of authority, power, and influence in the Jewish community and how that dangerously takes his views from theoretical to practical. What makes him dangerous is not the misogyny he espouses, but his authority to turn that misogyny into policy, bolstered by the influence he wields with well-respected organizations.

The disclaimer on his blog reads, “The views expressed here are solely my own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of family, friends, shul, organizations or any other affiliations.” However, Rabbi Pruzansky has written considerably about rabbinic authority and how it confers credibility and power to those who have it. He often cites it in the context of perceived threats to it by those he deems insufficiently authoritative to hold valid views on religious matters, as in the case of allowing women on administrative committees.

But Rabbi Pruzansky can’t have it both ways. He cannot claim that the unique power granted to his opinions by virtue of his position does not carry any responsibility to the institution he serves, or that it suddenly stops carrying weight when it’s inconvenient for him. He cannot enjoy the power — which he claims is highly significant, even in non-rabbinic roles, such as those administrative committees — without accepting responsibility for it.

So how far does that power reach? According to the “About” page on his blog, Rabbi Pruzansky is the rabbi of the largest synagogue in Teaneck NJ, boasting a congregation of about 800 families. He is a trustee of the Rabbinical Council of America (RCA), its former vice president and the chair of its convention; he sits on the board of the Beth Din of America; acts as a dayan (judge of a religious court) on the Beth Din itself; and is a member of the Rabbinical Alliance of America.

When the voice expressing bigotry on the internet belongs to a lawmaker and judge, and not just a random blogger, it goes far beyond hate speech. Dayanim and rabbis wield real control over those who are subject to their rulings and decisions. For example, a dayan’s views on domestic abuse can mean the difference between a woman receiving a chiyuv get (determining that she has the right to a divorce and ordering the husband to grant one) and not.

One of the first things a lawyer or to’enet rabbanit (religious court advocate in Israel) does when approaching a new Beit Din case is check the identities of the dayanim who will hear the case, because their views directly impact the way they rule. We must ensure that those who wield judiciary power in our community adhere to views that are within the range of the norm. A community must feel confident in its dayan’s approach, as it informs his decisions on their financial disputes, divorces, conversions, determining who is Jewish and other high-stakes personal cases.

The RCA is not a neutral structure; it is made up people who act as its agents and determine its character. Does the RCA believe that Rabbi Pruzansky’s views reinforce the kind of character they would like to perpetuate? Is his synagogue proud to have him as their religious and communal representative?

If not, then it’s time for the RCA, Beth Din of America, Rabbinical Alliance of America and his synagogue to look inward and consider ending their affiliation with him. It is time for the larger Jewish community to stop accepting avowed bigots as community leaders.

This is not the first time Rabbi Pruzansky has expressed sexism and hate speech, and it likely won’t be his last. But as long as the next time he voices this kind of drivel to the public, his role is that of private citizen, we’ll be able to — thankfully — roll our eyes and click onward.

*Decreed by Hillel the Elder, a pruzbol is an exercise of rabbinic authority that protects the ability of the poor to receive loans, without fearing that people would hold back due to the cancellation brought about by the sabbatical year.

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]12068458_595773760578240_7239438798400265474_o (1)For International Agunah Day, Chochmat Nashim launched a visibility campaign, highlighting agunot and former agunot. We asked these women to take selfies holding signs that note the number of years they were denied a get (Jewish writ of divorce), their location and the hashtag‪#‎NoMoreChains‬. The aim of this campaign is to recognize their first-person narratives as valid, relevant and not shameful. The campaign literally puts faces to the stories and humanizes the statistics. The photos also showcase the diversity of agunot in age, location, religious observance and communal affiliation to underscore the fact that the agunah problem is pervasive in all segments of the Jewish world.

This Agunah Day, we’re shifting the conversation. Let’s recognize that agunot are people with their own experiences, rights and inherent value. Let’s acknowledge that every agunah story is as unique as the person who lives it. Let’s recognize that agunot are entitled to freedom and integrity irrespective of others’ validation of their suffering.

solidarityThis Agunah Day, about a dozen women are making a very private experience public.

Enough with the noble, silent victim role. Here’s to open conversation, demanding justice as a right–not a favor–and the freedom to take ownership of our own stories.

Read the complete essay about our campaign here: Agunah Day: Stepping Out from Behind the Mask

View the images on Facebook here.

 

 

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[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Dozens of people on my Facebook feed are sharing this meme today from a page called Unchain My Heart. I’d like to relay a conversation I had with Rabbi Jeremy Stern of Organization for the Resolution of Agunot (ORA) regarding Blu Greenberg’s famous criticism of the rabbinic failure to solve the agunah problem, saying that “If there’s a rabbinic will, there’s a halachic way” and how this relates to the halachic prenup.

Meme from the Facebook group “Unchain My Heart”

Rabbi Stern explained that in all these cases where we circumvent the consequences of a mitzvah de’oraita (such as mechirat chametz, pruzbol, various eruvin, etc), the “loophole” must be set in motion before the mitzvah begins to take effect. You can’t enact a pruzbol after shmitta has begun and you can’t sell your chametz once it’s already Pesach. Why?

Because in all these cases, we are not changing halacha; rather, we are changing reality so that a different set of halachot apply.

This is how the Halachic Prenup works. The prenup does not force the mitzvah of giving of a get; rather it amplifies the mitzvah of spousal support during a marriage. That is why the prenup must be signed before the wedding (or during the marriage as a post-nup). Once divorce proceedings have begun, absent a prenup, there is very little one can do on a halachic front in cases of get refusal. This is why ORA pushes so strongly for prenups. It’s much easier to prevent a disaster than to pick up the pieces. (Here ends the extent of the conversation with Rabbi Stern.)

There are, however, halachic mechanisms that do exist after the fact. These include annulments, invocation of mekach ta’ut, omdana d’mokhach and others (there is also the route of eschewing kinyan in kiddushin altogether, but that is a longer conversation). Obviously, these halachic mechanisms can only be used when the situation warrants it. The problem is when the situation warrants it but we worry more about slippery slopes, political criticism, loss of authority, conceding to feminists or the defeatist contention that “it’s just not done.”

But it has been done, it is being done and it will be done. Yes, we need courageous rabbis and dayanim to step up to the plate. But what we can do as a community is to create the social awareness to cultivate an environment that is receptive and conducive to these decisions. Without the proper social atmosphere, even the best ideas and most constructive policies will have little impact on the ground.

Within the Jewish community, so much of social policy is shaped not by imposing legislation from the outside but by shifting communal norms from the inside. Especially in Israel, many people mistakenly conflate religious institutions and religious authority figures with religion itself, and are therefore hesitant to criticize injustices committed in their name. Out of reverence for Torah and tradition, people inadvertently stand by while that very Torah and tradition they hold so dear becomes a mockery and even a tool of oppression.

This is where we, as a community, step in and say, it doesn’t have to be this way.

We have more power than we think. Let’s use it.

 

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In response to backlash against the RCA’s announcement that disqualifies women from serving as official clergy in synagogues or other Jewish institutions, Rabbi Avraham Gordimer felt compelled to emphasize a point. He wrote:

“The drafters purposefully did not want to convey an opinion about the propriety of Yoatzot programs and the like, as the RCA has no position on the matter, and many RCA members, this writer included, are not in favor of such programs. This is a critical point of clarification that must be made and publicized.

We feel compelled to state: It is simply incomprehensible that there are still those in the Orthodox Jewish world who are opposed to Yoatzot Halacha. For more than 15 years, learned, frum, God-fearing women have provided a much-needed alternative for women observant of taharat hamishpacha, who until now had no choice but to bring their intimate apparel and intensely personal questions to men for examination.

For an indication of the kind of difference that these women have made, and to illustrate just what Rabbi Gordimer ‘is not in favor of’, here are just a few testimonies of women’s experiences.

“I had to call the rabbi after my wedding night to determine if I was actually in niddah or not, which required me to tell the rabbi what we did, how we did it and how it made my body feel.”

“I had just delivered at 21 weeks, and I was desperate to be out of niddah, desperate for comfort and to move on. I needed to get to my rav before sunset so I wound up on a highway with him holding my underwear up to the sun to get an answer.”

“I was due Yom Kippur, was already in early labor erev Yom Kippur and needed to know what I was allowed to do for personal hygiene on Yom Kippur as a yoledet. The rav didn’t quite understand, I needed to explain… I really needed to speak to a woman about this. It was so awkward.”

“I once called to ask a simple question and the rabbi asked for my name to which I questioned why my name was at all important in relation to the question….He said he would not answer without knowing who I was. I told him that if he doesn’t just answer the halachic question I would not ever come to any rabbi to ask again. He continued to refuse so I hung up.”

“I never asked niddah questions before yoatzot. I just considered myself a niddah every time. We are taught to be so modest, and then expected to discuss private details with a man? I couldn’t do it.”

Yoatzot provide a vital service to women who voluntarily, out of ahavat and yirat shamayim, expose the most personal aspects of their lives for inspection and regulation. Thousands of women repress the very modesty that has been ingrained in them from the time they were girls in order to air the most intimate details of their bodies, cycles and sexuality for the sake of heaven.

There is no doubt that the availability of knowledgeable women to turn to encourages women to grow in observance of mitzvot, attain a greater understanding of halacha, and deepen their appreciation of Torah.

Women who shied away from asking questions too embarrassing or difficult to explain to men are willing and able to approach knowledgeable women who understand.

Women who were inappropriately strict because they did not want to ask intimate questions can now resume marital life with their husbands with confidence.

Women who suffered from “halachic infertility,” where the very observance of halacha impeded conception, as well as women who felt alienated and frustrated by taharat hamishpacha, even to the point of giving it up entirely, now have an address for halachic assistance and comfort.

How can this be a bad thing?

The yoetzet hotline for halachic questions fields between 30 and 40 questions each night, not including calls made directly to independent or community yoatzot. Approximately 16,000 questions have been catalogued on Nishmat’s website, which gets an average of 300 hits per day. Indeed, it is likely the largest repository of halachic responsa on taharat hamishpacha in the world.

When the Nishmat hotline started logging calls, the most surprising detail to the Rabbi in charge was the length of the phone calls. In the Rabbi’s vast experience of answering niddah questions, the average length of a conversation was between 1 and 2 minutes and it was always over as soon as possible. The average yoetzet call was 15 minutes. The quality of the answer was on a totally different level.

Dr. Deena Zimmerman, Yoetzet Halacha and Director of www.yoatzot.org, as well as Medical Supervisor of Nishmat’s Women’s Halachic Research Institute, expounded on the significance of the program.

Firstly, the need for yoatzot is apparent. To illustrate: in one particular community, the rabbi had been hearing 5-6 questions on taharat hamishpacha over the course of a month; when a yoetzet joined that same community, she received 5-6 taharat hamishpacha questions per DAY. The number of questions skyrocketed when the voice on the other end of the line belonged to a yoetzet.

An unintended but sorely needed outcome of the advent of Yoatzot is the emergence of healthy dialogue regarding sexuality within the frum community. From women’s health to the halachot of birth control, a staggering ignorance of vital issues leaves women disempowered and dangerously uninformed. So many women, based on previous partial information, assume that birth control is always assur or that every drop of blood renders one a niddah, regardless of circumstances. This leads to inappropriate stringency, immense frustration and being dangerously overtaxed to the detriment of the entire family.

A story to illustrate how this occurs: One woman gave birth to a 26-week-old baby and assumed that it was assur for her to use birth control post-partum. She didn’t even ask. It was by chance that she spoke with Dr. Zimmerman, who helped her better articulate her circumstances so that she could speak to her rav with greater accuracy. With a newfound understanding of which details were halachically significant, she was able to convey the relevant information to her rav.  She received the heter and was able to focus on and care for her premature infant.

The laws and requirements of taharat hamishpacha can be very difficult, intensely stressful and induce great self-doubt in the women who uphold it. It is helpful, therefore, that, as women, Yoatzot provide an understanding ear and know the right questions to ask in order to determine ways to alleviate some of the difficulty.

Many inquiries to the hotline and website begin: “I hate this mitzvah. It is ruining my marriage and my sanity. I cannot get clean. I cannot take this anymore.” Yoatzot patiently work through these issues with the women, discussing the specifics and details– often very intimate details that the women were unable to share with their rabbis or even their own husbands.

The yoatzot, who have devoted two years (logging in over 1000 hours of intensive study) to train under rabbinic authorities in taharat hamishpacha, help couples navigate the complexities of each case within a halachic framework. Thousands of relieved couples have benefited from the invaluable service they provide. Instituting yoatzot as part of a shul or community strengthens the community, Judaism, family and taharat hamishpacha.

Given the yoatzots’ specialization in Hilchot Niddah and the practical applications of these halachot, they are much better equipped to deal with these specific issues than the average rabbi. They have passed rigorous exams on the topic of shimush and niddah. These scholars have been chosen for their extensive Torah knowledge, leadership ability, and deep religious commitment to serve as a resource for women who are more comfortable discussing very personal issues with another woman.

The service provided by yoatzot, each of whom has received extensive training from experts in modern medicine and psychology (including gynecology, infertility, women’s health, family dynamics, and sexuality), is a profound contribution to contemporary Jewish life. These women educate and guide, advising us through the dynamic of taharat hamishpacha. They field thousands of inquiries that may very well have gone unasked, they consult on a woman’s behalf with rabbinic authorities on particularly sensitive matters, and they provide an unparalleled understanding of matters that are uniquely shared among women.

To say that yoatzot are anything but a tremendous addition to Jewish life is to ignore the profound social, halachic, and educational contributions that yoatzot have already proven in the frum community. It also suggests reverting back to a time when Torah observant women’s needs were simply not sufficiently met.

How many women avoid going to their rabbi with questions because of the deep shame they feel discussing intimate details with a man? How many women do go out of a sense of religious duty, but still suffer from the embarrassment and unable to give complete details do not get the proper response? How many women assume birth control is forbidden, regardless of circumstance? How many believe that any colored discharge renders one a niddah? How many faithfully cling to every stringency as instructed to them by their kallah teachers, though their bodies have changed or circumstances are different?

Opposition to yoatzot halacha begs the question: Exactly what are you saying to Jewish women when you angle to remove the very thing that meets their deep needs and enables so many to keep one of the most sacred and pivotal mitzvot?

Moreover, if you do away with yoatzot, whatever will you provide that will accomplish all that they do for women, the community, and the observance of taharat hamishpacha in their stead?

–Shoshanna Jaskoll, Rachel Stomel, Tamar Weissman and Anne Gordon
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